Has The Heat Been Turned Down On Your Relationship?
Are you part of a couple that is having issues in the bedroom? Do you have a hard time expressing your desires or feeling like your sexual needs are not being met? Could it be time to spice things up?
Perhaps you feel as though you and your partner have mismatched expectations of intimacy. It could be that your relationship is experiencing discrepancies in sex drive or a difference in kinks and desires. Or you may feel as though your lovemaking is on autopilot, and you have fallen into a lackluster intimacy routine. You’re eager to re-establish intimacy, but you don’t know how.
Maybe there was an affair or breach of trust in your relationship, compromising your connection and complicating your sex life. As a result, you may be struggling to feel secure in the bedroom. And perhaps residual feelings of betrayal have made it impossible to feel excited about sex with your partner.
When romantic and erotic needs are not being met, emotional symptoms can manifest. You may feel withdrawn, anxious, disconnected, and depressed. And it may be your partnership has been impacted by your or your partner’s tendency to stonewall or shut down the discussion of sex-related topics.
These issues can be hard to discuss, and you may have a hard time developing a vocabulary to express your needs. However, the guidance of a trained and professional therapist can give you the necessary tools and perspective to make meaningful changes in your sex life.
Sex Remains A Taboo Topic Even In The 21st Century
For every human being, change is inevitable. And when we’re partnered up, individual changes create transformations in the relationship. In order to adapt and grow along with these changes, it’s important to learn essential communication tools and techniques.
Unfortunately, when it comes to sex, communication can often be difficult. If we were brought up in a strict or religious household where sex was considered taboo, it’s likely we didn’t receive the education we needed to be fluent and informed sexual beings. And even if we were given educational opportunities to learn about intimate relationships, it’s probably been decades since we were in a “sex ed” atmosphere.
In addition, we may be struggling with internal voices that are reinforced by societal expectations and gender roles, telling us who we should be and how we should act in the bedroom. And if we experienced sexual trauma in the past, it can complicate our relationship with desire, intimacy, and intercourse.
Confronting these topics can be awkward and uncomfortable at first. And in fact, the vast majority of couples I see—around 80 percent—seek counseling because they are struggling with communication issues surrounding their sex life. Those in long-term relationships are not prepared for change and assume that they automatically know how to get their partner’s motor going. As a result, neither person is willing to take action and have a frank discussion about issues of sexual intimacy.
In sex therapy, you don’t have to worry about being judged or ashamed when expressing your desires. Instead, counseling offers you a safe place to explore your sexual curiosities and needs, side-by-side with your partner.
Therapy Provides You With An Opportunity To Discuss And Formulate A Game Plan For Your Sex Life
To understand your significant other and what makes them tick, you must first and foremost develop an understanding of yourself. Sex therapy facilitates a new perspective of both yourself and one another so that your relationship’s needs can be better articulated. In a nonjudgmental environment, I can help you and your other half re-establish a strong and intimate connection.
Working with all genders, orientations, and kinks, I welcome couples and individuals alike to use the opportunity of sex therapy to voice your sexual appetites, fears, and goals for counseling. We will then collaborate to form a treatment plan designed to meet the needs of you, both as individuals and as a couple. Once we establish an agreement about how to move forward, we will discuss important aspects of consent and creating space for intimate change.
Over the course of therapy, you will be given in-session exercises and homework used to truly examine the role of sex in your unique relationship. These exercises may take the form of conversational prompts, such as “What does intimacy mean to you?”, “What does love mean to you?,” and “How has your arousal pattern changed throughout our relationship?”
In addition, we will explore how to adjust your lives to accommodate sexual challenges, such as erectile dysfunction (ED), arousal/orgasm disorders, and how to re-incorporate sex into life after trauma. Along the way, we will normalize the sexual desires and behaviors that may have once been a source of shame.
We all live with certain preconceptions about sex, but sex therapy can serve as an opportunity to debunk myths about sexuality and arousal. I will also provide psychoeducation so that you can fully understand the brain’s relationship to desire and the physiological mechanisms at play during arousal.
My therapeutic approach integrates The Gottman Method, as well as solution-focused and emotionally focused therapies that are specifically designed to help couples overcome relationship challenges and sexual intimacy issues. Because I am an eclectic therapist, our sex counseling sessions will incorporate the modalities, skills, and strategies to best meet your needs in the partnership.
As your time in counseling comes to a close, you’ll likely see a change in your thought process from negative to positive. And you will feel empowered to voice your desires while developing a toolbox and game plan with your significant other that is sure to spice up your sex life.
By dismantling the counterproductive belief systems that are not serving you or the relationship, you’ll develop better communication habits and learn the value of conversation over assumption. And as you gain more and more perspective about your partner’s experience, you’ll cultivate the empathy and compassion needed to re-establish a strong intimate connection.
For over a decade, I have witnessed couples re-engage their partnerships with a sense of passion, intimacy, and fun. I know from experience that sex therapy can make it possible to achieve the sexual satisfaction you seek from your relationship and foster a new awareness of your partner’s needs.
Communication is hands down the best lubrication for relationships. When you apply it generously, it makes everything go much smoother!
Maybe you’re ready for sex therapy, but you have some questions…
I’m a little embarrassed about the prospect of seeing a sex therapist—what kind of environment can I expect?
I operate from a motto that I will never “yuck your yum”—meaning I am not interested in making you feel shame or embarrassment about your sexual preferences or intimacy issues. I’m familiar with BDSM, kinks, and other “non-vanilla” desires. Mine is a safe, nonjudgmental, and curious therapeutic environment in which we will collaborate to foster a sense of empowerment, confidence, and mutual empathy.
Do I need to attend sex therapy with my partner?
I see any and all people who want to connect and re-establish healthy and exciting intimacy patterns with their partners. While this work is typically done with a couple, I am open to seeing individuals and helping them develop communication tactics to express their sexual needs. Sex therapy is effective for both couples and individual clients.
How long does sex therapy take?
Time spent in therapy will vary from couple to couple, and there is no set timeline for achieving your goals. However, I don’t intend to keep couples in sex counseling longer than necessary. Once a tool kit has been established and proven effective, you’ll likely be ready to discharge from therapy.
Learn Turn Up The Heat On Your Sex Life
If you’re frustrated by a lack of intimacy, or if you’re looking to increase the passion and play in your relationship, a sex therapist can help you to foster healthy communication and effective conversation. For more information about my services or to schedule an appointment, contact me today.